day 11: sooooo sick and I’m still in Albuquerque but have to suck it up and drive the six hours to Prescott because I move into school tomorrow morning. NOOOOO.
just bought a homeopathic but I think I might end up needing to take advil cold and sinus, even though I haven’t taken any medicine in over 5 years, just to get through this drive. another NOOOO.
max keeps sending me sweet, get well, encouraging texts and saying he wish he could be driving me and not working and making me soup and tea. and yes, that is what I want. I want to not have to drive and for someone to do that for me and help me move in and make me that soup and tea.
complain, complain, complain.
I want to feel better, body. like rn. okay?
just got a snapchat from max that read “I made you a birthday bagel! :)” and it was a real shitty picture of a bagel and lit candles stuck on top, in the cream cheese.
omg. today’s one of the “I’m crushing on him days”. what a fucking cutie.
-I left Dallas at 4pm and drove 10 hours last night
-I arrived in Albuquerque past 2am.
-I learned that I will NEVER again arrive somewhere strange at 2am. it is fucking terrifying. I have never been more frightened in my life. (but see, I’m not even exaggerating here). it was so sketchy and i should of known it might be but hey now i have a clear travel boundary for myself.
-at the same time, I woke up this morning feeling super badass because I just pushed through driving at night and now I’ll be at my final destination by TONIGHT! 😮
-I had more coffee yesterday than I have ever consumed in a 12 hour period. an espresso, a venti iced coffee from Starbucks and TWO bottled iced coffees from Starbucks that were probably 16 oz each. IM SO SORRY BODY THANK YOU I LOVE YOU.
-I’m 23 years old today and it’s the first time I’ve never had a birthday in my
-I fucking rock. I’m a rockstar princess. 🎉👑👏
woke up feeling really weird. which I know partly has to do with lack of sleep and partly has to do with being in this weird city. I DO NOT LIKE DALLAS PEOPLE. nope. not at all.
but I took myself out for coffee and had a cute, friendly waitress and texted Hannah and wrote a lot and my gosh that has helped. I was reminded that I love the feeling of being on my own throughout this trip. it’s empowering and special and I want to swim in that and soak it up and take full advantage of this SUPER empowering experience I’ve offered myself.
Hann reminded me that this is for me and only for me. and I started crying in the coffee shop and just feel so much better. sometimes all I need is a connecting, compassionate reminder of who I am.
really grateful for my ability to reach out and receive while simultaneously being aware and compassionate and attentive to myself and what I need. it makes for a really powerful process. thanks self. thanks friends.
max and I have stayed in touch while I’ve been on the road. and it bounces from me thinking-
-“wtf this is the silliest thing ever I’m going to school across the country and will more likely than not meet other people and be crushing hardcore so like why keep this silly text thing going, ya know?”
-and then 2 hours later being like “omg this dude is the cutest, sweetest, cheesiest goof and I just have a big crush on him so like whatever I’m just going with it because we aren’t in a committed relationship so it could just be super fun to come home for Xmas break and have awesome sex and eat bagels and watch it’s always sunny together”. or maybe not see him at Xmas at all but just go with the crush flow rn. because it’s fun and sweet and flirty and kind of sexy. like actually, super sexy.
and omg I sent him a text earlier that was the first time I actually admitted to having the silliest crush on him. and then promptly freaked out and blushed really hard. and then blushed even harder at his response. 😳😁 🙊🙉 hahahha